


madly in love

by heroinchic



Category: Trainspotting (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Cheating, Fighting, M/M, domestic mess?, etc - Freeform, inspired by the film malcom and marie, throwing a glass across a room
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-06
Updated: 2021-02-06
Packaged: 2021-03-12 00:40:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,263
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29251617
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heroinchic/pseuds/heroinchic
Summary: A quick look at one of Simon and Mark domestic fights about love, betrayals, guilt, fears and the invisible string that holds them together.
Relationships: Mark "Rent Boy" Renton/Simon "Sick Boy" Williamson
Kudos: 6





	madly in love

Simon entered first to the apartment followed by Mark who trew the keys over the counter and slammed the door shut.

-Im so hungry why don’t they serve food in these parties?- Simon said, taking his shoes off and kicking them across the room.

Mark sighed heavily and hung his coat on the hanger and went to the kitchen to make some instant noodles for Simon.

-….did u notice how that lady across the room was watching us? Fucking cunt. last time we go to one of Diane’s work things. If she doesn’t have friends its not our fault- Simon kept talking.

-She has friends but she wants us there, why does that bother you?- he said as he filled the cooking pot with water.

-It doesn’t bother me, her fucking coworkers bothering me.

-Everybody bothers you.

Mark turned the stove on and went to the fridge for a beer, throwing one to Simon’s hand.

-Anyway, did I tell you how good you look tonight?- Simon was now behind Mark, breathing into his neck- And how good do you smell- he left a tender kiss in his earlobe.

-Not in the mood.

Simon frowned and took a step back.

-Why? There’s something wrong?

-No

-Then why…

-I’m not just in the mood Simon.

Mark turned off the oven and put the water into the cup of instant noodles.

Simon watched every movement he did with a frown, the night had been fine, they weren’t even drunk. But he had noticed that at some point Mark had acted a little bit distant, perhaps because they weren’t used to present themselves as a couple in public spaces, with the holding hands and all that. But it had been Mark’s idea ‘’If we don’t do it now, when?’’ he had said a few days before.

Mark had disappeared into the bedroom and Simon was in front of the tv eating his instant noodles. He could hear how Mark threw away things, he wasn’t breaking anything, but Simon knew him enough to know that he was angry.

Simon stood in front of the door, watching how Mark angrily threw away the dirty laundry in the bucket.

-Alright, what’s wrong?

-Oh! He cares! That’s new.

-Drop the passive-aggressive shit Mark it doesn’t suit you.

-Just go and eat your fucking noodles I need time alone. And why is so difficult for you to threw the dirty clothes into the fucking bucket of dirty clothes? Its. Right. there. Simon.- he pointed at the bucket.

-I’ll do it tomorrow. What we need is to talk is about what bothers you.

-‘’I’ll do it tomorrow’’ always promising bullshit.

-What the fuck is wrong with you?

When Mark was about to leave the room, Simon blocked his way.

-Not an option- Simon said.

-So, you really wanna go there.

-Yes, bring it on.

Mark scoffed and crossed his arms. He was up for a good fight.

-Alright, ‘’whatever in love means’’

Simon shut his eyes heavily and sighed, he knew he had fucked up in a moment of the night but he couldn’t remember when or why.

Mark went to the kitchen for another beer and almost ended all in one sip.

At one point in the evening, a young couple approach them and told them something like ‘’how lucky you are, so in love’’ Mark had smiled and held Simon’s hand with excitement, Simon had just shrugged and with an uncomfortable laugh said ‘’alright, whatever in love means’’

-Mark, baby…it was just a comment, it meant nothing.

-Im starting to wonder how much of us means nothing to you.

-What? No, everything of us means so much to me. I just felt cornered I didn’t know how to act I never know how to-

-Everytime you screw up is because ‘’you don’t know how to act’’ well, I have news for you Simon, you are almost fucking 52 years old! Learn how to fucking act!

-So im not allowed to make mistakes because im old now?

-That’s not what I meant! Why you always have to play the victim? The cry baby?

-You are the one who’s throwing upside down the whole apartment down because I said the wrong thing at the wrong time with people whom we didn’t even know and you call ME the cry baby?

-I was avoiding having a fucking discussion with you because you would never EVER admit that what you said was hurtful, so I just cooked your fucking noodles so you will sit in silence and let me be angry which I have ALL the right to be!

Simon walked towards him and Mark walked towards the bathroom.

-Don’t run away from this like you always fucking do Mark.

-Im not going anywhere you fucking dumb, Im going to take a whiz.

Simon went inside the bathroom with him and watched him from behind.

-Im not saying this to save myself because I know that what I said was hurtful-

-DON’T

-WHAT?

-I know that you are gonna say some stupid shit like ‘’your ass looks fantastic maybe I should start running every morning too’’ and you’re gonna thi-

Suddenly, Simon was laughing.

-What’s so damn funny to you?

-That you said exactly what I was gonna say- he burst into a cackle. And Mark just rolled his eyes and pulled up his pants, going to wash his hands.

Simon went to hug him from behind, kissing his neck softly, they both looked at the mirror.

-M’ sorry Mark, I do love you, you know that. We don’t need everyone else to know that. The people that are important for us know it. That’s enough for me.

They were looking at their reflections in the mirror, Mark face looked a little bit more relaxed and Simon was kissing his neck softly.

-I want to do this all night.

He started to unbelt his pants while Mark tried to hide a smile.

-No.

-Baby, please

-No, its gonna cost you more than that.

-What? I already said sorry!

-Because you want to fuck! It’s like saying ‘’please’’ when ordering something in a restaurant.

Mark left the bathroom and went to sit on the couch while Simon followed him, they were pretending to watch an infomercial when Mark asked:

‘’Why have you always so scared to pretend that you are in love with me?’’

-Mark…

-Always so scared, since we were teenagers, since we were young adults, since ever. Why?

Simon sat there in silence for about five minutes. He knew why.

-I need some whiskey- Mark said and got up.

He was filling a glass when Simon got up and faced him.

-Because of fear itself Mark. Because im scared that theres somebody better for you out there, because im scare that you leave, because it’s something that I think everyday, what if there’s someone who can love him better, someone who runs with him every mornings, someone with better sex, someone who a better character, with less trauma, with more morals, someone who’s made for him.

Mark drank all the whiskey from the glass and nodded.

-You still don’t get it do you?

Simon remain silent.

-You chose me. And I chose you. Everyday since the day I met you. Since we were five years old and you chose me to play with you. Since that day. Something chose us. And I don’t believe in god or the universe or this and that shit but I believe that if they are soulmates, you are my one. I will always come back to you as you always come back to me. There’s no one else outside for us.

-So you are stuck with me.

-And you with me. So don’t be scared Simon, because I’m right here standing, every single day, and I’m not scared of whatever in love means. I’m the last person standing for you.

-Now that sounded manipulative- Simon said with a frown.

Mark drank all the whiskey from the cup again.

-Jesus fucking christ.

-What? You make me feel like my whole life depends on you and that’s not healthy

-Last winter when you overdosed on coke you didn’t said the same.

-When are you gonna stop throwing that to my face?

-Don’t make me laugh Simon like if you were the only who uses manipulation in this fucking relationship which I WASN’T DOING RIGHT NOW.

-THEN WHAT WERE YOU DOING

-I WAS TELLING YOU THAT IM HERE FOR YOU, YOU KNOW WHATS MANIPULATION? THAT YOU REMIND ME EVERY SINGLE FUCKING TIME ABOUT THE TIME I WENT TO AMSTERDAM WITH THE FUCKING MONEY. MOVE. THE. FUCK. ON.

-I ALREADY SAID THAT I FORGIVE YOU.

-THEN STOP MENTIONING, MENTION SOMETHING NEW FOR FUCK’S SAKE.

-YOU WANT SOMETHING GOOD? PERFECT. YOUR FUCKING GRINDR PROFILE.

Mark froze while a grin extended on Simon’s face.

-Did u check my fucking phone?

-Once you got in the shower and u left it unlocked. Curiosity didn’t killed me. But wow sir, you really like to be called daddy don’t you? Why don’t we call each other like that in bed? Is because im not twenty-five years old like all those fucking twinks you fuck?

-Simon…

-No, there’s no fix to that. And you know what? When I found out I didn’t threw out a fucking tantrum all over the house. And I also I saw the dates, you only fucked three of the eighteen messages you had, and it had been prior to when I had my OD so I guess that you felt sorry for me and you decided ‘’no sir, no more fucking other people, my partner almost fucking dies, what im gonna do with the guilt after?’’ because that’s what your life is based on GUILT. FUCKING GUILT.

-And you pretend that I believe that you didn’t went out and fucked someone when you found out about that?

Simon laughed bitterly.

-Unbelievable how you always LOVE to make me look like the villain. But yeah, I fucked someone else, and then I came back home and I fucked you. So I guess we are even aren’t we?

-I FUCKING HATE YOU, YOU FUCKING STUPID DISGUSTING PIECE OF SHIT

-I HATE YOU TOO YOU SELF CENTERED CUNT

Mark threw the glass across the room and went to bedroom closing the door with all his strength.

Simon stayed in the living room, he put on a Bond film. That always calms him down but now it seemed impossible, he had fights with Mark but usually they ended in them having sex or cuddling and saying sorry, now it seemed like a line has been crossed.

A few hours passed and Mark open the bedroom door. Simon turned off the tv and went to bedroom.

He lay for a moment against the door frame, watching how Mark watched him back. Just two men, who had betrayed and loved each other one to many times.

-Im sorry- Mark said, to Simon’s surprise- Im sorry that I cheated on you. You can check my phone now. Its not gonna happen again, the cheating I mean. Im sorry that I fucked Veronika, even if that was some years ago. Im sorry if I make you feel pressure because you are not used to show your love like I do.

Simon went to sat besides him, Mark layed on his back, and Simon put his head on his shoulder.

-I know what loving you means. And it’s the easiest yet the most painful thing I ever had to do in my entire life. What you said early its true, you chose me, and I chose you, and I don’t want to chose you anyone else, because I know that no one else that’s gonna love me like you do, but im afraid that someone else is gonna love you better than I do. Not more. Because no one is gonna love you more than I do, but better? Maybe, yeah.

-That’s nonsense- Mark voice was cracking up.

-It’s not. Whoever who see this from outside will think the same.

-Who cares about them?

-You do.

-I don-

-You care that i dont say ‘’yes, we are so in love’’ at a party, and you care that i dont hold your hand on the street, and you care i dont share some of your passions.

Simon sat down in bed along with Mark, looking him in the eyes.

-But you can have many of those things with someone else and you are free to leave. But I’m going to haunt you Mark, and it’s not a threat, it’s just a fact. You know I’m gonna be there in your mind with a ‘’what would have happened if…’’ you know that I’m gonna be there when you watch a Bond film, when you fuck someone else, when you see someone with bleached hair, when you hear your name and you turn around and realize that its not me who’s calling. If u wanna leave, if you want me to leave, you just got to say it.

Silence flooded the room.

Simon left the room and went to take a shower, while Mark got ready to sleep.

When they were both in bed Mark said, with a sad tone:

-You got my devotion Simon, but man, i can hate you sometimes. 

He reached for his hand and squeezed it.

When Simon got up the next morning, a cup of coffee was on the bedside table along with a note that read _‘’out for a run, i love you (whatever ‘’I love you’’ means)’’_

**Author's Note:**

> as always a pleasure for me to entertain all of you with my little thoughts, i hope you liked it!  
> kudos, comments are well appreciated :) 
> 
> remember that english is not my first language so please be patient with moi <3


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